


Controversus

by nonky



Category: Being Human (US/Canada)
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-08 23:53:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17990909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonky/pseuds/nonky
Summary: Prompt by garnet_words on LJ: Being Human US, Aidan/Rebecca, gateway drugSpoilers: Up to 1x07.





	Controversus

Rebecca's beauty had once been her frailty and now was her endurance.

It was a myth that becoming a vampire made someone beautiful. Waif-like ethereal creatures didn't hatch out of the shell of an ordinary body. No one dropped that extra twenty pounds before they were undead. They had the same parts in the same configuration. Some of them were terrible at being undead and didn't make it. There were people who flunked Bishop's tests, and people who pissed off too many of their new family.

The aura of power came from being physically unable to care about anything except blood. There was a confidence inherent in murder, something none of the twelve-step programs really seemed to address to his satisfaction. It felt good letting himself do the unthinkable. It was one of the many ways he had damned himself. He was no different, no better than any of them. The need was mental, emotional, long before the physical caught up with an iron grip.

Some refused to feed, were put down mercifully. They were too traumatized or too moral. It was less common in modern times – God really was dead, Aidan thought bleakly. People were callous and the idea of a life based in violence seemed to suit them better. Few spoke of their immortal souls or grieved their quiet human lives at first. They were unfazed by the highs and lows, only worried when the high started to drift away faster than they could get it back.

He had a special place for Rebecca, had tried to save her too early when it was all power and bloodlust. A month was enough time to be comfortable, but not enough time to have much to look back on with regret. She was utterly in the moment and Bishop had taught her to hate him. Anyone with self-preservation would run the other way.

Of course, Aidan thought peacefully, Rebecca was beautiful as a human and as a vampire. He'd given in to her appeal because she was lovely; smelled good, felt soft and firm, tasted amazing. He'd rushed himself to dating because he'd wanted her. He'd compromised his abstinence because saving her felt important; nearly as important as keeping himself clean.

He still wanted her, but the rules were different. Aidan could be her lover or her friend, but he couldn't be her accomplice. There were slips he could allow - biting, into her, deep and sacred - but no simple understanding that would give him a buffer without endangering all he'd worked for.

He slid halfway in, hauling her hips down on his, teeth in her neck. The sound she made was close but not quite the same as the one that had made him lose it that first (last) time with her. The little twist of guilt and shame was no match for the slam of sensation as he got in. Rebecca was generous, pumping on top of him as she arched her neck at an ugly angle. Her hands met around his shoulders and held gently. He drank from her only for a moment, trying to make it last. Blood loss was about the only thing that could slow down one of them, and he didn't want her to leave and snatch some innocent person because he was greedy.

Rebecca immediately lapped at his shoulder, testing for a place to bite. Her mouth was hot and tender. She petted the back of his neck as she pierced him, making any pain better before she made it worse. She was less concerned about stopping quickly, hungrier, meaner. The rough edges of his personality were smoothed by years of faking human consideration.

They moved and humped, traded deep bites for shallow ones. The blood was eventually beside the point but they kept going. It was black-out drunk and cocaine-wired all at once. He loved her, loathed her, worshipped her; hated them both.

Aidan smothered his voice on her back and subsided with relief. It was possible to keep going, with more blood and a little rest. He kind of liked the agreeable exhaustion. Even Rebecca didn't feel like going out looking for trouble six orgasms in. He groped for the pillows and settled her back into his arms. Oozing blood smeared warm on his belly. By morning it would glue them together. He rather liked thinking of it that way; not their drug or their curse, but their common element. Iron-rich ruby stains were drying to brown rust. It was thick enough to flake.

At the end, he had the objectivity to see his mistake in seeing her again. It was a small slip, but it kept happening. Aidan looked forward to it. He lied about where he was going and stayed all night to hold her.

“I love you.” Her voice was languid and hoarse, but unmistakable. Her little hands covered his, actually made him feel protected and warmed.

Rebecca wasn't the only attractive, sexy female vampire in the city, she wasn't even the only one he'd dated. She was the one he'd been half in love with when he'd killed her, and Aidan would always be half in love with her even as his conscience screamed at the lapse. He could resist the blood, he could resist the power and the carelessness, but he'd never shed that human need to have someone with him in good or bad. Where the vampire could be strong, the human would falter.

“Love you,” he said, burying his face in red hair crisp with blood.


End file.
